Enjoy today’s blog…written by my hubby, Juan 🙂
Next week Jana will be turning 5 months old and it’s hard to believe how fast time has passed. It was 4 months ago that I held her for the very first time and fell in Love with her immediately and knew that we were doing the right thing, and I was scared.
When Jaylen (our youngest and previously only daughter) was born Jen had to have an emergency C-Section due to series complications. I remember the Dr telling me that the baby was not receiving any oxygen and they rushed Jen down the hall into surgery as the Dr yelled orders to all the nurses. I almost lost my daughter and my wife that day. Jen had an emergency C-Section with no anesthesia (yup, NONE). The two anesthesiologists that were on call were in surgery and the Dr informed Jen that he could not wait or Jaylen would die or have series brain damage due to loss of oxygen. She remembers the pain, the screaming and seeing our daughter before she passed out. The next few days were hazy for her but I will never be able to forget the fear that I felt not knowing what was going on, whether my daughter would live and what Jen was going through. By the grace of God Jaylen was born healthy and without complications although she was tiny at only 4 lbs 12 oz. Jen required a few extra days in ICU and two blood transfusions but she also made a full recovery and we all got to go home. Soon after I had my vasectomy, I did not want to risk loosing my wife again.
Why am I telling you all this? A few years ago Jen started having the desire to have another baby. She kept dreaming about a baby girl. Night after night she would have a dream of her holding a beautiful baby girl. And night after night I felt horrible because I knew that I could not give her that baby girl. So Jen cried and prayed and asked God to take that desire away because she knew that we had made the decision to not have kids anymore and I wasn’t going to try and reverse it J. We couldn’t understand why her desire for this beautiful girl was so strong and why it would not go away. For over a year we prayed together, cried together and asked God for guidance. We felt alone and didn’t know who to talk to. Our closest friends had adopted a beautiful little girl because they were unable to have children of their own and here we were with three healthy kids and a desire for more. We felt like we were being selfish. God had blessed us with 3 kids, why were we complaining that we wanted another one; after all it was our choice to not have anymore.
As time passed out prayers changed. We no longer asked God to take away the desire that we felt. We asked him to work things out according to His will. I realized that if God wanted us to have another child He would make it happen, we just didn’t know how, or when. We started taking the necessary steps to be cleared as foster parents because we knew there were a lot of children without a home that needed a family. We decided that we would do what we could and trust God with the rest and if it was His will then things would happen in his timing.
It wasn’t until we held Jana for the first time that we realized we why were up together crying and praying and not understanding why Jen’s dreams would not stop. God had a plan all along.
I understand that Fostering or Adopting is not for everyone. In fact, when we started our goal was to foster as long as we could and the truth is that has not changed. There are lots of kids that have been removed for no fault of their own and are looking for someone to love them and provide a home and a family. We were simply blessed with a special opportunity to not only foster Jana but to adopt her because of her disability. God has used her to touch our lives and the lives of those around us. She has opened up our eyes to so many new things, new experiences and new relationships with amazing people. I won’t lie, its scary. But being surrounded by people who love our Jana and have supported our decision has strengthened us through the fear and at times, even doubt. So if you have thought about fostering or adopting I pray that you continue to pray and step out and trust God. And if you do not feel that it is for you, then pray for those who do feel called and if you know someone that is fostering or adopting, pray for them. If possible I would encourage you to go one step further and come alongside of them and encourage and support them. Thank you.
P.S. I promised Jana I would tell everyone she is beautiful 🙂