Comparison

9ebee49aae74854f34be75b441d2275aWill the dreaded “mom comparison” ever go away?  Seeing other kids reach milestones and wondering “is my child where they are suppose to be?!”  I remember with the other 3 kids, always getting caught in a battle of “My kid does this now!” with other moms.  You know what I’m talking about.

When you mention  “Oh guess what! Jimmy is crawling now!”  and their response is

Oh wow that’s great. Henry has been crawling for about 2 weeks and he even filed our taxes!

It never ends.  We always want our kids to seem like the best.  To not allow others to look down on them or judge them.  Making excuses for their shortcomings.

I honestly thought that with Jana I wouldn’t have that problem.  I mean, she can’t be compared to typical kids (although she often is) and she will reach her milestones at different times and order than even other kids with Downs.  If I logically can see this, WHY CAN’T I STOP COMPARING HER TO OTHER KIDS?!

It’s not like I am wishing she was better!  That’s not it at all.  I’m so proud of all the work she has done to reach her milestones now.  Trust me, she has worked hard!!  I see other kids (sometimes younger than her) doing things like standing, or pulling up.  I worry that I’m not doing all I can to help her develop.  I worry we are missing something and her therapy isn’t covering all she needs.  I worry that she is behind because of me.  Am I failing her?

Honestly, Jana isn’t behind.  She has been doing so much work to sit properly and is very close to crawling.  Her therapist has been a very great resource for me.  Trying to explain everything that Jana is doing and reassuring me.  They are not pushing her to stand much now because they don’t want her to learn to lock out her muscles.  They want her to take it slow so that she can learn the proper way things need to be done.

I just want Jana to be the best she can be.  To share her milestones with others and have them be as proud of her as I am.  To not have to explain to people that its a big deal that she can something now.  I want people to see the amazingly strong, determined, and happy baby girl I see every day.

 

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4 thoughts on “Comparison

  1. Hi Jen, I know how this feels too. I am desperate for people to see the courage and ability I see in Star. I spend too much time wondering if I am doing the right things for her. I need to remind myself that the most important thing she needs is love. It’s clear that you delight in being with Jana, that is the greatest blessing you can give her love Jane xxx

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  2. Try not to beat yourself up so much. You are human after all. Your brain unconsciously goes to comparison. Next time it happens, take it as a sign to s l o w down, take a deeeeeeeep breath, and be kind to yourself. Sometimes you need an extra dose of love too. 💛💖💫

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