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Exactly one year ago…jeremiah-29-11-white

Monday June 22, 4:10 pm.  I received a call from Maria, our foster care social worker.  She said she had a baby girl for us.  She said she had very little info on her, only that she was roughly 3 months old and had Down Syndrome.  If we agreed to welcome her in, we would also need to be willing to adopt her.  She needed an answer right away.  She told me to call Juan.

4:20 pm. I told Juan what she told me, and didn’t give my opinion at all.  I held my breath as I waited for his response.  He instantly said “YES!  Tell her we’ll take her!”  I hung up and called Maria right back!

4:32 pm.  I finally got a hold of Maria.  She had been contacting Jana’s social worker to try to get more info.  She already told him that she had a family who was interested.  (She knew me well 🙂 ) She found out that this tiny baby  had been living in the orphanage and recently was sent to a foster home.  That family was unable to adopt her so they needed to find a forever home fast.  She was healthy and beautiful…and also nameless.  She told me to start thinking of a name so they can start calling her it immediately.

I told the kids about her.  They were scared but so excited!!

4:50 pm.  Maria calls me back.  She tells me there is possibly another family who might take her.  She tells me she will make sure we get her and will call me back the next day.

I instantly drop to my knees in front of the empty crib we had set up in our room.  I had never met this tiny angel and already I knew she was suppose to be with us!  I begged and pleaded with God to please allow it to happen.  I felt like my heart was being ripped in two.  Like a mother who lost her child.

I walked out to the kids and they knew something was wrong.  I told them we might not get her and they started crying.  They too felt like she was suppose to be theirs and couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t be.

Juan finally arrived home and tried to be positive for me.  He kept reassuring me that if it was meant to be then it will happen.  He tried to help me see that it was out of my hands and I needed to trust God.

The next day comes and I still don’t have an answer.  Maria informs me that the other social worker is speaking with the other family and there is a chance he might give her to them.  I felt like screaming!  I told her to fight for us and she told me she would.  Little did I know that when she wasn’t calling me, she was texting and calling the other social worker constantly telling him why we should get her!  A whole day passed when we had no idea what was going to happen.

Juan spoke to a christian co-worker of his.  Looking for guidance and reassurance that this girl was suppose to be ours.  What did he get?  An honest and truthful answer.  He was told “What makes you think that God can’t do better than you?  How do you know that God doesn’t have a bigger plan in mind for her?”  We were only looking at it like we can be the parents she needed.  We were not allowing God to work out and trust that He had a plan.  Even if it didn’t include us.

By Wednesday afternoon I was an absolute mess.  Trying unsuccessfully to not think of this precious girl.  Trying to come to terms that it wasn’t going to happen.  Doing all I could to not be upset with God.

3:50 pm I receive a call from Maria.  She tells me Jana will be coming home tomorrow morning at 9:00.  Was I ready?  My heart stopped!  I think I asked her a few times if she was sure 🙂  She was laughing and I could hear how happy she was for us.  She told me to get a good night’s sleep because she was told Jana’s days and nights were reversed.  She would see me in the morning.

I called Juan and cried.  It was going to happen!!  Juan however would not allow himself to accept it would until he held her in his arms, but I already knew!  She was ours and no one was going to take her away.

In three days our world got turned upside down!  Without telling any of our friends or family, we deeply longed for this precious girl.  I never knew how deeply I could love someone I never met.  I was a mother who hadn’t held her baby yet.  I didn’t know what to expect when I saw her for the first time.  I didn’t know what color eyes she had or how big she was.  All I knew was that my heart was screaming for her!  I was ready to welcome her home!